Rumination and unhelpful coping strategies. TW: Addictive tendencies

[AuntGlow]

I glad it has been helpful for you. Religion can be so grounding. ☺️💛 @creative_writer 

I get that. Viral infections really do take time and resting is imperative. I encourage you to focus on what could be nourishing moment to moment tonight. 

[tyme]

Hey @creative_writer , I've been thinking about you a lot and wanted to check-in to see how you are going at the moment?

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow it definitely can be, I want to be able to improve my ability to focus on prayers more, but I do realise it will be a process, I’m not very mindful by nature.

Maybe it isn’t realistic to do lots of things when recovering from an infection, I expect too much from myself.

@tyme I’m less snotty than I was a few days back, so I’m taking that as a positive. Still anxious, but it’s a pretty normal response to somatic flashbacks, I’m still learning to sit with them. My instinct is to distract. I’m finding it’s not realistic to do that all the time, I’ve had times where I would try to distract but it wouldn’t be super effective. I’m wondering whether it feels intense because I’m trying too hard to escape

[tyme]

"I’m wondering whether it feels intense because I’m trying too hard to escape"

From my experience, yes @creative_writer 

The more you try to escape, the more you are actually getting 'involved' and 'fused' to it. That was my experience. 

That was the work my psych did with me. To learn to sit with those thoughts so that they'd go away eventually. If I was battling them, they only became stronger.

[creative_writer]

@tyme I think my psych sensed that I was trying so hard to distract, she wanted me to start to learn to sit with it. Maybe that’s why I constantly feel like I need to do something. Obviously it’s not working for me right now, even if it worked in the past. It’s probably not hard to guess why I spend so long on my phone in the morning. I wake up and the intrusive memories come immediately. I end up wasting so much time, because I don’t want to think. I know the more you try not to think, the more you do. I feel like I’m often in on the go mode. It’s like I need to get everything on my to do list done immediately. I often end up not being able to get much done. Probably because the thoughts are intense from the avoidance.

I’ve used some magnesium cream on my legs, I’m hoping it helps me slow down before I drift off to sleep. Tomorrow is another day

[tyme]

Yes, @creative_writer . Tomorrow IS another day. A new day.

Just having you say that means a lot to me. It reminds me that each day is a new day, as hard as things are at the moment.

[AuntGlow]

Good morning @creative_writer, how was the rest of your evening? Did you manage to take things slow and gently with yourself? 💛

[creative_writer]

@tyme today has certainly been a very exhausting day trying to navigate volunteer work training. The busyness has made it a bit easier, but I don't think I can keep going, might need to sit with the discomfort for a while.

@AuntGlow yes, I took it easy yesterday and went to bed early. I think the magnesium cream made it a bit easier to sleep. Feeling a bit of a crash rn

[tyme]

Hey @creative_writer ,

Good to hear from you. 

I was wondering, can you think of a time when things have been better for you? Do you remember what it looked it, sounded like, smelt like or felt like?

[creative_writer]

@tyme I think I need to start slowly with sitting with the discomfort, it gets a bit too much over extended periods of time. I need to somehow rewire brain into thinking it’s safe. It keeps feeling like it’s happening all over again.

I’ve had moments where things felt better and I felt at peace. My whole body would feel completely relaxed and my mind would feel clearer. It’s just been a long time, but I know I’ve had those calm moments. I think in moments like that it’s easier to be present because it comes natural. I find slowing down really challenging, but I know I need to start somewhere