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Something’s not right

Eden1919
Senior Contributor

I think it is happening again.

I am sorry for making another thread but i think i might be having another mixed episode it didnt really cross my mind until just then but i am so agitated and i feel horrible and i feel like nothing feels right like i cant find anything i want to do and everything just makes me angry and agitated and like even things i normally always do i just feel like i cant ugh idk how to explain it but i cant sleep i cant focus and i cant seem to settle like everything is screaming inside my head and i just cant deal. i am trying to stinking hard to keep on top of everything but i just cant deal with the crap again. why wont it stop why does it never stop why cant i just not feel like i am about to explode all the time i am so over everything. idk what i have just typed up but i want to scream again. 

9 REPLIES 9

Re: I think it is happening again.

@Eden1919  Hey Eden1919I  I know you don't use meds because of your experiences with them which is fair enough I am not enamoured of them either btw but before I used them I would get these flashes of uncontrolled rage. It was awful I would be minding my own business and then something would trigger it like seeing a police officer and bam! I would be psycho .... within 10 mins I would be back to normal again until something else set me off. I suppose what I am saying is I get where you are at. It is an exhausting and miserable place to be. Hoping it passes for you soon. Love greenpeaxxx

Re: I think it is happening again.

Hey @Eden1919, we're so sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time today. How are you feeling this morning?

Re: I think it is happening again.

Hi @Eden1919 , sorry you are going through such a rough time of it.  I can relate to some of your frustrations, though I haven't endured them for as long as you have.  My advice would be to try and focus on  your sleep and making sure your getting enough rest.  Lack of sleep is what brought me undone to begin with.  Without good sleep I find my mind doesn't work how it should and my thoughts aren't as clear or coherent.  It can be hard when we have thoughts zinging round in our mind.

 

I hope your having a better day today and a bit more settles.  Wishing you well.

Re: I think it is happening again.

@greenpea @Ali11 @Gazza75  thanks everyone for your time. the thing for me about meds was i still got these issues one them but i just couldnt express myself it felt like i was locked inside my body and screaming constantly so they really are a no for me and i know you arent suggesting them @greenpea just it is strange how these things work so differently for different people. as for sleep i am trying to sleep but i just cant seem to make it happen but even when i do i wake up a lot idk. but today i still feel terrible and i am just so fed up i cant get anything done but i cant relax and do nothing and i am just so over it it is like that feeling where you are waiting for a jump scare in a movie that you have already seen you arent scared excatly but you are still on edge and you know something is about to happen but you are just tense and waiting. it is kind of like that only the feeling never ever leaves and is also mixed in with feelings of anger, depression, passion, joy, and then also charged with 1 million volts of electricity. i just it is not something that is able to be tollerated but i dont have a choice and so instead i am just constantly suffereing in one way or another.  

Re: I think it is happening again.

@Eden1919  Hi Eden just a thought have you looked into herbal remedies for this? I don't even for sure know if there are such remedies it is just that a few people have written in over time about using them instead of the standard medications and with good results ... just an idea to google maybe.

Re: I think it is happening again.

@Eden1919- How are you doing today?  It sounds like your really on edge recently and it must be hard to try and function like that day after day.  I would maybe see your doctor or pharmacist for some interim relief in regards to your sleeping and see if that helps calm or settle everything else that you going through right now.  Long term it's not a solution, but, it might give you some clarity and respite for a time. 

 

As the wisest [ea.  @greenpea suggested, they may also have some natural tea's they can recommend for sleeping.  Camomile is pretty good for it.

Re: I think it is happening again.

@greenpea @Gazza75  Yes I have looked into herbal and alternative options but haven’t found any that work but I keep an eye out Incase I hear of anything new. As for short term sleep meds I have tried over 15 different meds for sleep and none of them helped my psychiatrist has no idea what to do about meds and neither does my GP especially for sleep. I am just so over it like i try and try and try and I never end up getting anywhere and it is like well what is the point and I know many people experience this but that just makes me even more frustrated because why are so many people constantly struggling just to survive to the next day only to struggle again to do the same thing. It is ridiculous we literally have the technology to make people’s lives better but we refuse to help people because rich people enjoy hoarding their money and having power over people. But you can’t take any of that with you to the grave so why be so annoying about it. I feel like not only am I constantly fighting myself and my glitchy brain but I am also fighting with a system designed to only let a small percentage of people succeed and to keep other in poverty so that that small group can continue to exploit the masses. Like I am just 1 person with limited resources and how am I supposed to believe this fight is worth it if statistically it my odds aren’t good. 

Re: I think it is happening again.

@Eden1919  thanks so much for sharing, very powerful, you are super intelligent in terms of wider societal structures. Just want you to know, we are sitting with you here in this community. And I do hear what you're saying. I do believe the fight is worth it, but also understand it can really fatigue us at times. Heart

Re: I think it is happening again.

@nashy  It isn’t just the fatigue but the concept that even if we don’t want to fight we don’t have the option not to fight like this is literally how slavery works and it makes me so mad like firstly the system puts you into a terrible situation and then also makes it so that even if you don’t want to stay you literally can’t leave said abusive system even if you aren’t fighting actively you still are stuck in the system so they give you just enough to keep you fueled to fight but not enough to actually change your circumstances or to overthrow said crappy system and then everyone is too busy trying to survive to realize that this whole thing is just a big scam but even if they realize it they don’t have the power to do anything. I feel like a mouse in a experiment who is aware that it has a crappy life but yet can’t leave and has no means to pay its way out of captivity. 

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