hi @Former-Member I'm glad you're feeling a bit better since you started the thread.
I was a bit shy to reply as I don't have experience in gender identity but just wanted to offer my general support with your struggles. I do have complex and debilitating mental health issues and a complex trauma background. I know how difficult and debilitating these factors alone can be, sometimes it's been a matter of dealing with constant symptoms and getting by day by day, sometimes it's felt like constantly being in crisis. I know that can take up a lot of therapy time and not leave any room to discuss deeper issues. I hope you like & trust your therapist, that can be hard to find.
It sounds like you have a loving family, with a partner, kids & grandkids. I'm sure they all love you regardless of your identity fluidity as love is constant. The only kind of identity change I've undergone is three career changes, and as a lot of society defines you by your job it was quite an upheaval each time in the way people perceived me. A lot of people wanted to know, "why, why why?" and that stressed me as I never felt like giving answers becuase i'd have to dig too deep into pain to explain my choices to change. But my family, especially my aunts, always stuck by me and didn't need any questions or answers. They always accepted me & cared for me in a constant way, they always saw me as their beloved neice not this or that vocation, as I changed careers.
It's easy to doubt people's loyalty when we're mentally unwell. I read a lot into people's reactions to me & often worry I'm not accepted or liked becasue my mother always told me, "people won't ever like you they just spend time with you to get what they want out of you". But that is just baggage from the past and mental illness paranoia when it crops up these days in my relationships.
I hope you will feel more secure in your supports with time.
Are there any local services or groups for gender identity that may help you?
Glad you're feeling better as well @Former-Member, it has become cold quite quickly, hasn't it?
