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Help Please

Hi Guys

im not sure what to do now so im hoping someone else might have some suggestions.


Pop keeps getting upset me with and then says 'well then put me in a nursing home' 

Hes not happy either and he says its becasue im not happy. 


I tried talking to him, and i asked would he like to talk to someone else like dr or someone else and he said no because he doesnt have a problem. 


any suggestions please?





Re: Help Please

Looking after a love with Dementia is very hard @outlander  I will tag @Former-Member as she is looking after her dad with dementia

I will also tag you to her thread if you like to

also looking up the dementia australia might give you some suggestions too xx

Re: Help Please

Hi @Shaz51
He doesnt have dementia or not yet anyway though he is showing signs of it. Hes got mostly physical ailments

Re: Help Please

@outlanderxoxo How to aid communication Caring attitude

People retain their feelings and emotions even though they may not understand what is being said, so it is important to always maintain their dignity and self-esteem. Be flexible and always allow plenty of time for a response. Where appropriate, use touch to keep the person’s attention and to communicate feelings of warmth and affection. 

Ways of talking

  • Remain calm and talk in a gentle, matter of fact way
  • Keep sentences short and simple, focusing on one idea at a time
  • Always allow plenty of time for what you have said to be understood
  • It can be helpful to use orienting names whenever you can, such as “Your son Jack”.

Body language

You may need to use hand gestures and facial expressions to make yourself understood. Pointing or demonstrating can help. Touching and holding their hand may help keep their attention and show that you care. A warm smile and shared laughter can often communicate more than words can.

The right environment

  • Try to avoid competing noises such as TV or radio
  • If you stay still while talking you will be easier to follow, especially if you stay in the person’s line of vision
  • Maintain regular routines to help minimise confusion and assist communication
  • It is much less confusing if everyone uses the same approach. Repeating the message in exactly the same way is important for all the family and all carers

What not to do

  • Don’t argue. It will only make the situation worse
  • Don’t order the person around
  • Don’t tell them what they can’t do. Instead state what they can do
  • Don’t be condescending. A condescending tone of voice can be picked up, even if the words are not understood
  • Don’t ask a lot of direct questions that rely on a good memory
  • Don’t talk about people in front of them as if they are not there.

Re: Help Please

Thanks so much for the tips @Shaz51

Re: Help Please

ohh sorry @outlander Heart, I must of misunderstood somewhere my sister xoxo

But there are good tips xx

my mum has not dementia yet either but needing lots of patience

Re: Help Please

Its ok @Shaz51 they are still good tips for the elderly as well even without dementia

Re: Help Please

@outlander we need more information on the situation and what kind of help you are looking for. is your pop hoping that you get help for yourself because you are not happy?

Re: Help Please

hi @JasJac
sorry, ive been here for quite a while i forget to tell parts of the story sometimes.

im a young carer looking after my pop who is a rather difficult character to care for. More recently he is showing some signs of dimentia and his latest 'thing' is 'well then send me to a nursing home' if i try to explain something to him or if im just having a bit of an off day and i dont have alot of patience in the day.
no, i already get help for myself. and i dont honestly know what im looking for because i have so much to deal with already without this in the mix. he wont get help for himself and he wont allow me to organise anything because in his words ' why, theres nothing wrong' or ' why the hell do i want to see them for'

Re: Help Please

@outlander oh I see, that's paints a better picture, thanks.


what would your pop say if you looked at nursing home options, would that be a strategy for him to respond with something else apart from the nursing home line.  


it can be challenging when people don't want help, sometimes there's a reason deep down, sometimes they want help anyway, other times people are used to how they are living and can only see a better way when it is aleady here.


sending support your way

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