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Something’s not right

PeppiPatty
Community Elder

Family Problem

In short, this is not going to be a short problem.....But I've been dwelling on it for a long time about a year, since my father passed away from Mesothelioma.
Like some input, please, can my darling friends read and reply??

Last March, my father passed away from Asbestos cancer. He left my mother when she had just given birth to Their 4th child, my little brother over 40 years ago. My mother chose to she spend next 20 years on Heavy medication......like many mothers in the 70s and 80s.

My father chose to move to -America with his then girlfriend who became his wife. I had a wonderful email only relationship with my Dad for the last 4 years of his life. He was very successful in his field but would not call or visit, he was very frugal. About three years ago, he was diagnosed with Mesothelioma

My brother flew over and said goodbye to him one hour before he passed away and talked about me.He left his wife,, one son with significant developmental issues at 38 yrs old and an adopted daughter that his wife already had. the mother hated me because I was from the first marriage and actually told me when I had a bit of contact when I was 20 yrs old. I didn't hear from them again till I was 42 years old.


My Dad really loved me and we had a wonderful email relationship. About 5 months ago, his wife was driving down the street, had a car accident and though she was rescued from her car brother wasn't pulled out in time and he bled to death. The accident was her fault. I felt very upset but felt special because 2 weeks before my half brother died, I wrote him a card telling him that i Loved him. Now, my step mother sent me a cheque for Christmas. I have never heard from her before. she wrote that the money was from her account, not my Fathers trust.

I wrote her a card when my half brother passed away, but haven't written again, is she trying to mend imagined bridges? How do I write to her ? She is really grieving. I want to send her love but don't want to sound too overwhelming

5 REPLIES 5

Re: Family Problem

Perhaps just thank her? And if you would like to hear from her again, maybe "I would like for us to stay in contact as you are important to me, email or snail mail me anytime..we are both walking the grief road, maybe we can support each other?

Something that is inviting, warm and genuine.. Just like you!

Re: Family Problem

Oh Sandy,
you are so right.
My brother told me that he's had contact with my half sister and she told that my step mother is not coping at all because she caused the car accident.
,love to write 'we are both walking the grief road......but it doesn't feel right.

I,really don't know what to write to someone grieving so much.......
See how I just wrote this dilemma because saw that your back.....it feels nothng on what other people are going through......

Re: Family Problem

Grief is a road that no one wants to travel alone, just let her know you are thinking of her..sometimes actions speak volumes and popping a card in the post is a kind action.

Re: Family Problem

Hi @Alessandra1992 and @PeppiPatty ,

I haven't spoken to you guys in what feels like ages!! Good to make some contact.

Justanother47 - I think the fact that she sent you a cheque tells me that she wants to have some contact with you. She is grieving, you are grieving....maybe that's the perfect time to put the past in the past and get to know each other??  (I admit I don't know the situation intimately, so forgive me if I am off the mark)

Also, it sounds to me like you want to as well, or you wouldn't be thinking about it. THIS ONLY CONFIRMS WHAT I HAVE SO OFTEN THOUGHT AND SAID - YOU ARE SUCH A LOVELY AND CARING PERSON WITH SUCH A BEAUTIFUL HEART.

You're not just another 47 year old, you're a beautiful miracle. We all are!!

I would just say thank you to her, and then take it slowly. Acknowledge that there is a mutual connection between you both and maybe say that it would be really nice to keep in contact and write to her occassionally. 

Let me know what happens.

Hobbit.

(PS - Sandy, I silently cheered when I saw you were back!!)

Re: Family Problem

Yeah Hobbit boy,

that Sandy girl, she got under my skin too........
Sensibility.

Keeps you on the straight and narrow.
Okay on your compliments. I'm taking them in and feeling them.
Thank you.
It's all thanx to moderating. I thought you moderators were doing the detached thing and getting us proud consumers to get on with it.

You teach me to care for myself better.
Ille write this weekend and write what what I said
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