Lived Experience Forum

[Maggie]

I've been fooling myself long enough, nothing is ever going to work for me. Some pieces will never fit, the others are crushed. There is no therapy for a mind in chaos. Reading, hopeing the next technique might work, but it never does. The darkness is overwhelming and that is all I have to offer, darkness and emptiness. Small steps always end up back where I started, in the deepest darkest pit, alone. There seems no point. I am too broken. It is all too hard and I no longer have the energy to keep swimming. Hopeless cases do exist, I am one of them.

[Teej]

@Maggie I know this is probably not what you want to hear but I don’t see the broken you. Since you’ve been on the forum I’ve always been drawn to your light and soul. I see the pain but an amazing gentle spirit. Just today I thought something similar about myself and sent a message to my therapist asking her why she still stays working with me as I’m the eternal hopeless case (I pay her very little so I not it’s not monetary gain). Her response is because I keep showing up no matter what and try (even though i fail more than I achieve). I’ve hardly got far in recovery at all.
I think sometimes our brokenness is much more a part of our thinking than what anyone else sees. I believe it’s hope that is still the strongest factor for me. I have hope for you too. 💜🤗

[Maggie]

@Teej Thankyou.

[greenpea]

@Maggie Oh Maggie! sweetpea hugs for you. Let me shoulder some of your pain today, I agree wholeheartedly with what @Teej says ... am sitting here with you. gp xx

[Maggie]

Oh @greenpea Thankyou. I just can't respond atm, hopefully tomorrow.

[utopia]

Sending you hugs @Maggie ♥♥♥

[Maggie]

@Teej I have read and reread your post. As with every post I have read from you, your words are full of wisdom, care and compassion. I have also asked my counsellor the same question, why does she continue with me, her response is, she believes in me. I have no idea what that actually means to be believed in, but I'm hopeing for a lightbulb moments someday, for her sake and my own.

Thankyou for having hope for me at the moment.

[Maggie]

@greenpea There you are shouldering more pain, when you have enough of your own to shoulder. Spreading hope and some smiles around the forum. It's always good to see a little green pea avatar appear. Thank you for the company and care. Hope to bump into you today.

[Maggie]

@utopia Thanks for responding and dropping off those welcome hugs.

[Former-Member]

Dearest @Maggie,

I actually just popped in this morning to say hi, and noticed this new thread of yours.

I have no words of wisdom for you, no comforting words. But I wanted to say, that I too, believe in you. Nobody goes through what you have (and still do) without an eternal will to live and the desire to become master your own destiny.

I wish you were able to see in yourself, what everyone else here sees in you.

A hug for you Maggie and kindest thoughts.

Sherry 

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