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Something’s not right

Former-Member
Not applicable

Being liked is NOT the same as being loved... [VERY LONG].

I am a little busted up... I had class today. It was really good.

 

  • I did the unseen question really well.
  • I actually surprised my teacher, she asked me whether I got the answer from someone else.
  • The people on my table said I had really nice handwriting.
  • I am a bit of a class clown, and people actually laughed at my jokes.
  • People smiled at me at genuinely...

But then I walked away alone. I had to face the big wide world after that. I had an unusually severe crash, and I haven't come down since.

 

Maybe this is why comedians commit suicide.. because people like them when they are performing, but no-one thinks about what happens after they leave the stage.

 

Everyone's so in love. Love makes the world go around. It's just an innate part of the human experience. I'm sorry, but that is [...]. Not for everyone, it's not.

 

It's just really frustrating. People were exposed to me, and I am sure they left thinking that I was a lovely person... but I'm just as alone as I would have been if I stayed in bed.

 

I'll edit this with an update on seeing my GP.. I've just lost all energy, though. Millions of people have someone on their hearts right now, if not in their pants, or both.. and as for me, I'm running out of hope.

 

I know envy is a feeling to be ashamed of... and I'll probably edit it out when I'm feeling better... but it's real.

 

I might as well make a Part 2.

 

Thanks for your support.

 

@Bow 

@greenpea 

@TideisTurning 

 

I had a look at this video on how to deal with a mental health crisis. I also made a cup of tea, and I was chatting with my brother. Those three things in conjunction brought me back to Earth. Especially the video.

 

I mentioned my doctor. She was really nice. I told her about what happened. I said "do you really think anything that can happen from here on-out can make up for that?" She said "absolutely."

 

She said that I need to SERIOUSLY consider leaving work, because even if I find someone else, there's no getting over that if I have to see her all the time.

 

I talked to her about my current feelings. I said that I was ugly, so there's no point trying to meet people. She looked at me like I was crazy, laughed and said "you are not! But that's another thing we have to change!"

 

If you need support, I would recommend having a look at some GPs around your area. I looked at a few places online before I made an appointment with her, and it took me a few minutes after I met her to begin to open up. You have to trust them, but I still recommend it. 

 

She gave me a referral, and once my phone is working again, I'll make an appointment with a psychologist.

 

I see her again in two weeks... strangely, though, just before I left, she told me that if I don't turn up to my appointment and she can't get a hold of me by phone, she will have to call the Police to my house, to get them to check on me. She said that in a very nonchalant manner, though, like "don't forget".

 

No pressure?! Yeah, I won't forget.

 

I hope you can see a difference between the two parts 😅, but I hope you got something from both.

2 REPLIES 2

Re: Being liked is NOT the same as being loved...

Hi @Former-Member, I'm sorry to hear of the crash you've had after such a positive experience- I've heard of that happening before. I can understand wanting connection but having a hard time finding it and losing hope as a result. Envy seems like a really normal emotion given all of that. I'm not sure I'd say it's something to be ashamed of. To my mind, it's neither good nor bad. It just is. It's what you're feeling right now, and that's completely ok. I hope things will improve for you soon and you find the connection you're looking for, here on the Forums and in real life. 😊🌼

Re: Being liked is NOT the same as being loved... [VERY LONG].

@Former-Member  if my gp cant get hold of me she will call my mum for that very same reason.  glad you seem to of found a good gp, its important

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