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Something’s not right

Re: Am Not Coping

I will let you all know as soon as I find out anything @utopia I suspect it won't be to later in the term but hopefully with the Principal backing it can be sorted earlier. Hope you have a good day my beautiful cocky friend Heart

Re: Am Not Coping

hi @Zoe7 I have a narcissistic mother so I know fully the complexity & pain of what it's like to have a mother who makes it all about her. Like you, my mother blamed me when her boyfriends were violent towards me. She also liked to tease, taunt, humiliate and provoke me until I'd scream for her to stop, then she'd do it a lot more for hours and I wasn't allowed to have any food or something to drink. As a result now I have unrelenting rage as the major symptom of my MI.

 

I don't agree with bluebay that your mother is acting out of love for you. I think her motives are selfish & to do with protecting her reputation & standing in her professional context and self-pride. You are right to stand your ground. I find it very difficult to do that with my mother as she always plays victim and makes me feel guilty - it's is hard not to feel sorry for her & responsible for her emotional welfare. But it is important for me to stand my ground and put my interests first. Good on you for standing firm, the past school is best left in the past and your energies need to be focused on the awesome present that you have achieved in this lovely new school.

 

On a lighter note @Zoe7  and @Faith-and-Hope I had a lovely lunch with my aunt today! SHe was really supportive and uplifting. (SHe is my mother's sister so knows how wicked she can be). We had a good chat & I'm glad I went as I was feeling reluctant and blue about it before but forced myself to do it. I hope there has been some light in your day today x

Re: Am Not Coping

I am glad you have a sweet aunt who makes you feel good about yourself @BryanaCamp ..... and who you can call it like it is to.  

 

And sorry to hear you had a mother who tormented you.  I have an mil who doesn’t like other women and says it blatantly, as she competes for the attention of any men who cross her path.  Really sucky ..... but there it is.  I try to leave it outside my door as much as I can, but she has always competed for the attention of her son, and now she has it.  They are bound together in this emotional co-dependency.

 

Enough of her .....

 

It’s so good you went, and came away with a good experience to add to the others that happen when they do .....

 

I hear you with your mum and the situation from last year @Zoe7 .  You know what you need and how you need things to be.  So proud of you for standing your ground with her.

 

I’m not quite finished for the day, but stopping by to say hello 👋 💕

Re: Am Not Coping

@BryanaCamp I have no doubt my mother is wanting to make the complaint out of both love for me and that she does not want that to happen to anyone else. I understand how difficult it would have been to stand up to my father when I was young having experienced that kind of violence in my own relationship. I am not making excuses for her but I do understand. I also have no doubt that she loves me very much - as I do her but there is also some resentment there that I find it hard to get passed at times. I have become so much better at 'calling her out' and standing up for myself over the last couple of years and I try to not let her get to me when she starts making it about herself. I think this incident is a very good example of me standing my ground and letting her know exactly what I think. I made it clear that it was MY experience and although her and others were really angry and upset about the way I was treated it is not for her to deal with - and I have moved on ...needed to for my own health. Her bringing it back up certainly did throw me but I hope she can now leave it in the past as well.

 

Great that you went out with your Aunty @BryanaCamp - someties these things we need to push ourselves to do but am surprised how well it goes or how good we feel for doing it Smiley Very Happy

 

@Faith-and-Hope I knew you would be proud of me Hon - I have certainly come a long way with respect to my relationship with my mother in the last couple of years. A lot of that is the support and confidence I have got from people here on the forum Smiley Very Happy

 

Did you get your assignment finished?

 

The class with the kids went okay. We had to relocate to my office as there was another class in the library. The kids did really well - there were some really lovely pieces done and the kids stayed engaged the whole time. One kid did say they were bored but they kept going anyway. Some of the kids are going to bring their work to show me when they do get to finish it - very much looking forward to seeing them finished. 

 

I also spent some time in a class today that were drawing dragons ...so I did one too lol I gave it to one of the kids at the end of the session because they were having difficulty doing one themselves - they seemed very happy with that so another moment of joy for the day.

 

One of the 1/2 teachers that is going to be away next term asked me if I would be interested in taking her class. She is going to talk to the 'bosses' next week about it. I was really taken aback that she had mentioned it as I haven't discussed it with her at all - made me feel even more confident that I could do it if she has that confidence in me also. She is a really great teacher so her words carry a lot of weight with me.

 

There were other moments that were really nice in the day too so all in all a great day. Going to get dinner soon and settle in front of the tv for the evening so I will be around for a while when you can call by again. Missing you over this week Hon but know you have a lot on and that takes priority. The usual love and hugs coming your way Heart

Re: Am Not Coping

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Re: Am Not Coping

That was never my intention @BryanaCamp I fully support you in what you have been through and was only speaking from my point of view on the relationship I have with my mother and intended to get back to you separately on the remiander of your post - sometmes we need to process things in order to best respond and that was the case here. Sorry that it made you feel that way - I should have said I was going to get back to you again when I had more time to think.

 

What you have been through no-one should have had to deal with and it does leave continual emotional scars throughout our lives. Aside from your mother having all those other significant people in your life being abusive is unforgiveable also. You take that with you throughout your life and it affects ever relationship you subsequently have. Without that love and care from a young age one has difficulties in every aspect of their lives and that is a testament to your own courage and strength that you continue to move forward - and even more so that you have people in your life that you can enjoy things with - it is often the simple things like lunch and going to see a movie that can be difficult when you are feeling down or flat but you continue to do those things and are rewarded with enjoying them. You have made a life for yourself despite what you have endured and that is something you should be proud of.

Re: Am Not Coping

That is terrible that it wasn’t just your mother @BryanaCamp , but it seems it was all those adults in your life whose care as a child you were trusted to ...... no wonder you are so angry.   I imagine the child you were then wasn’t being heard, and cared for, when she absolutely should have been, if not by one, then by another ...... and now that voice is emerging as anger, but it is emerging.

 

I don’t want, in any way, to compare with what you have been though, but when I finally realised that the treatment I was receiving, not only from mil but other in-laws was abuse ..... and could finally call it abuse ..... a fury emerged in me.  I was livid !!  I hadn’t recognised what was happening, and kept making excuses for them, until I could see what it really was.  And I was an adult.  These people were not my flesh and blood ...... oh I feel for you so much ..... 😔

 

That anger burned in me for a while.  I couldn’t talk about what had been happening, or them, without spitting fire, but gradually across time (a few years) the fury began to soften and burn out, moderating itself.  I did learn to get angry faster in the moment, and shut down abusive behaviour by pouring frozen politeness all over it, and walking away ..... making an excuse to leave and going somewhere else to look after myself ..... but again, I was an adult and could do that.

 

I hope that the anger will slowly subside for you, but having experienced what I did, I think perhaps the anger is part of the healing process, part of the very injured little girl that you were finding a way to say that she hated what happened to her, and as an adult you can see how wrong it was, and how defenceless you were, and how much those adults in your life ought to have been brought to account, both for what they did, and for what they didn’t do that they should have done to protect and nurture you.

 

Hugs and hugs @BryanaCamp  ..... 💜💜💜

Re: Am Not Coping

Hugs @BryanaCamp 

I’m sorry for what you went through as an innocent child. 

I, too was abused by 3 guys (neighbour uncle and brother). 

Whst you have gone through was very terrible and I feel for you. 

Sending you hugs ❤️

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Re: Am Not Coping

I have technically submitted my assignment @Zoe7 , but being a techno-dinosaur, I am not sure whether I submitted it correctly.  I am sure I will find out soon enough, but ai emailed the tutor to let them know, so it will be okay, either way.  Someone will help me submit it properly if I didn’t do it right.  This is a very caring learning envinment.

Re: Am Not Coping

Hi @oceangirl @Teej .....

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