Thank you Everyone

[Appleblossom]

Glad the news was not too bad @Former-Member and you are getting to know people and settling in.

This is a Matisse Still Life for you to celebrate facing your fear. Its only the ones who know they are afraid who have courage. Take care Bella

[Former-Member]

Hello@Former-Member don't be sorry for something that's not your fault, we all carry too much guilt as it is 🙂 Your story touched me, and to be honest I think what' triggered' me was all the support you got. Your Butterflies. Some grubs are just grubs, and it's not so bad being a grub. If someone likes you, then it's you they like, not your beautiful wings.

[Former-Member]

thank you @Appleblossom 

the support on here is great. well then if you think your a grub then its the grub i like @Former-Member

im not doing so well atm so might not be on as much for now. im a big dissapointment to everyone so im not surprised if it you guys are too

[Former-Member]

Hello @Former-Member, I'm writing this for when you get back on. I want you to know your not a disappointment to me . . . your an inspitation 🙂

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hiugs @Former-Member .... not a disappointment at all .... ❤️💕

Your courage was inspiring this morning, as @Former-Member said.

[Former-Member]

@Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

i dont think im inspiring at all. i never do anyhting right. im a complete dissapointment to everyone 😞

its killing me.
when i try to do something it never seems good enough or i didnt do it right or i didnt do it fast enough.
most of the time if i dont get up and do it straight away or if its not done by the time the kids and mum are home im the worst person in the world. i try. i really do. i dont really know what more i can do to please them.
i take them bike riding, scootering, teaching them to read, take them shopping, see their horses, make sure the house is clean when they get home from school, help with homework, take them to school and pick them up. i like to take them out and get ice-creams 1-2 times a week after school before they come home and start doing homework etc.
 
i had my xrays in the car today and i just asked my sister if she could run them inside while i strapped the youngest into the car seat and she growled at me and said god you complain alot.
or they say im never home, i never do anything for them, they hate me
and my mother thinks im just complaining, and i guess im not good enough for anything and i guess who am i to question that anymore.
im not worthy of it so i dont see much point of it and yet they dont realised half the thigns i leave out because they dont care such as my ptsd- they told me to jsut get over it, they dont know about the sexual abuse and im not telling them either.
 
and today when i was getting yelled at for going out i was going to get tests results to see if i was going to need surgury for my foot, how much damage was done and what we can do to help fix it. two of my main ligamaments are badly torn and a main tendon has a minor tear and they think i have nerve damage but nope im complaining too much and i should jsut get over it and i do too mcuh for myself

[Faith-and-Hope]

Sounds like you are living in an emotionally harsh family environment @Former-Member and it's no wider you are internalising it .... but you will have to learn to consciously develop a strong self-compassion to counter that unhealthy culture .... 

Mabye take some time to look at how to develop self-compassion.  There will be ideas available on the Internet.  Let us know if you want some help with that because it is something we can do to help support you.

❤️💕

[Former-Member]

that would be good @Faith-and-Hope

i might need it, im not in a good place and i dont kow whether to keep talking about it or just logg off, it just i wasnt trigger through here and i quite like spending time with my fourm family.

so if you have any suggestions that would be great or anyone else ?

[Former-Member]

@Appleblossom i finally got to see the pic its beautiful

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Former-Member

Here is the first, and golden rule .... you are as important as anyone else on your life .... so make room for yourself .... deal yourself a hand .... listen to yourself and expect others to too .... "set yourself a place at the table".

That may take a bit of thinking about, and starting to recognise when you are not doing that .... and how to change the habit of putting yourself last, or not considering your own thoughts or feelings as a valuable, valid contribution.

Tip: don't forget, as you work it out, to remain polite in dealing with those around you. You can be angry, but polite .... sad, but polite .... confused, but polite ....