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05 Apr 2019 03:50 PM
05 Apr 2019 03:50 PM
hi @outlander I think you're very brave to be going to therapy. It takes a lot to give your whole history to a new person & dig up painful stuff.
I've got a toxic mother too. I'm sorry to hear you live with her (?is that right). I'm in my mid 40's and live by myself. If I had to live with my mother I'd be getting triggered constantly by her and would be in a furious rage all the time. It's only with the right meds that I can have contact with my mother and even then it can be hard to tolerate her. I think she's probably narcissistic and abusive but all the therapy in the world never helped me with her, only medication did (not saying this is the case for you, every individual is different) and having distance from her does. I'm guessing there isn't any way you can be away from your mother, live anywhere else?
If exposure therapy is getting results for you then maybe it'd be good to increase the difficulty? I have a lot of social and shyness problems so was very isolated with my MI. In a way I did a kind of self-designed exposure therapy - I forced myself for months to go to loads of meetups and meet loads of new people, over and over no matter how painful it was (and it was!). As a result I few years later I have nice friends & have much less anxiety before social get togethers, so it worked. But again, for me it wasn't therapy that helped it was taking those practical steps irl.My psychiatrist suggested I go to a day program group that teaches you relationship skills. But I know I'd hate it, it'd make me very angry and aggravated. More importantly I know that I learn relationship skills through having relationships not through therapy. So are there any practical steps you could take to meet your needs if they aren't being met in therapy?
Well you've got lots of different advice to think on so I hope some of it helps
05 Apr 2019 11:35 PM
05 Apr 2019 11:35 PM
05 Apr 2019 11:42 PM
05 Apr 2019 11:42 PM
06 Apr 2019 11:51 AM
06 Apr 2019 11:51 AM
Hi @outlander
That exposure therapy does sound boring and I think I understand - my idea would exposure to real dogs starting with puppies - looking at pictures wouldn't do it for me
I can tell you my own experience with a dog episode - I was attacked by a Shepherd when I was cycling years ago and I had huge bruises on my calf - from the back of my knee to my ankle and to this day I am afraid of big dogs off the leash and I have trained myself to make like a tree and not look at the dog and talk in a monotone to the owner if she's there and explain and ask them to put their dog on the leash and they do - but in all the years since I was bitten I have been afraid and nothing has lessened that - not that I have had any therapy
So - I know your sister was the victim in the dog attack - but you are battling with it to this day - so looking at pictures seems boring to me - you have a deep sorrow and fear in your heart about that and looking at pictures of dogs is not - imo - really getting to the deep inner issue and I am not surprised it's not doing much for you
I guess the whole thing is a balance between what works and what doesn't - trying to muddle your way through the issues and I hear what you say about your mother - it must be frustrating to hear it over and over again - I have been guilty of that in the past - not any more - we only get one mother and if she's not to our liking we are stuck with the one we get and yep - me too,
Therapy can be boring and who knows why some people get really ill from the events in their lives and others just have discomfort - I am still afraid of unrestrained dogs - I guess I will be for life and it's not a problem in the suburbs but in the country it is - I had to confront this when I was at Lakes Entrance - yes - the past confronted me there recently and more than a couple of times. It's not the dogs - it's me
What a bore this can be - but we all plug on - you too - I think you are doing well
Dec
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