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MsScully
Casual Contributor

Mumlife

Hey. 

It's been about a year since I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and anxiety. A lot has happened since then. Baby no. 2 born, moved interstate, separated but still living with ex partner. Struggling. Lost. Depressed moods. Failing my 2 beautiful boys. Tired. No support. Drowning. 

At the moment I'm not in the best head space and came across these forums while looking for some help or something. I'm so tired. Tired of the expectations that I have to do everything while he just has to go to work, feed himself, sleep. Tired of not being able to get the things I need to support my boys' learning. Tired of being invalidated. Tired of being bored with no time to do something for myself. Tired of being told I'm too much, not doing enough. Tired. Not sure what I'm after by posting this. If read this far, thank you. 

 

 

9 REPLIES 9

Re: Mumlife

 

Re: Mumlife

Hi @MsScully and welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear how lost, down and tired you're feeling. It can be very difficult to manage the demands of parenting as it is, but add in mental health challenges, a tricky relationship, lack of support, relocating etc. and it's no wonder you're feeling the way you are. Do you have any formal supports in the new area you've moved into?

I hear you with feeling bored but not seeming to have much time for yourself. I am thinking you're a stay at home parent (I may be wrong) and know how monotonous but busy it can be at times. Mine are all at school now and it's definitely helped as far as time to do other non-kid related things, though I still find myself busy with them even when I'm not actually with them.

The expectations placed on us (and that we sometimes place on ourselves) can be suffocating and exhausting. Are there any playgroups or groups in the area you and yours could all go along to? Childcare, even for a short time, might also give you some time for a break or to help you settle in to your new area. It may also take some pressure off you knowing the kids are being kept busy and stimulated.

It's great to see you here. I find the forum a great place to stay connected with people. I also take some 'me' time when I visit here. Theres so much understanding here and plenty to join in with. The Social Spaces area can often have lighthearted chatter happening. There is also a parenting thread here that might help you 'meet' other parents and can be a good place to share some of the challenges of parenting. Have a look around if you'd like and join in wherever you want.

Hope it helps to be here and looking forward to seeing you around.

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Mumlife

Hi @MsScully,

I just wanted to say I hear you ! you’ve summed up a mumlife in a nut shell as I have felt like you quite often.

Upon reading your post it sounded much like my own story a couple of years back after relocating it can be extremely isolating, I to was diagnosed with bp disorder & anxiety. On this forum you’re not alone & Im sure you will find support here.

A problem shared is a problem halved. How old are your beautiful boys? In my darkest long days I sometimes found music a good circuit breaker, it was recommended to me by peer support to download Spotify & I thought what useless  advice at the time, but has since become an invaluable part of my morning to get me going & tune out from the kids for a bit if they are busy watching tv or something. My current one is called happy pop & it just makes the dishes, washing etc that bit more bearable. Putting some time aside to watch a comedy show for half an hour or so.

Apoligies if these are useless ideas for you, I just wanted to share with you as it helped me & being a busy mum flat out sometimes we appreciate the smallest things 😉

 

 

Re: Mumlife

Hi

Thank you for replying. Yes I am a stay at home parent (5 long years now lol).

I don't have any formal supports in place yet, I recently got a referral to a psychiatrist to keep on top of medication. On the lookout for a psychologist, I think I need to get these supports in place to keep on top of my moods and stress. 

We did attend a couple of playgroups, but then with Christmas and school holidays, they have only just started up a week or 2 weeks ago. We haven't gone to any yet. I have been a bit too tired to get us all going, but will be trying next week. Yeah it is great when my older boy is off playing with others and can give me a bit of a break. I looked into childcare, but most of them are booked out and I missed out on a place for kinder. 

I think lack of sleep (teething bub), feeling isolated and unsupported contributed to my very low mood. I feel a bit better today. I just needed to vent, to be heard as my opinion and feelings have been dismissed and invalidated by my ex partner. Thank you. 

Re: Mumlife

 

Re: Mumlife

My boys are 4.5 yrs and 11 months..spotify is great, just my 4 year old can have some strong opinions as to what type of music can be played lol. Will have to check out that playlist, thank you. It feels nice to know there are other parents out there that feel/have felt like this.

Re: Mumlife

Hi again @MsScully and hi @Former-Member 🙂 Loved hearing about how helpful music is for you lmn83. I've found music a great circuit breaker too. It's also saved me from lots of whining during longish car trips as we all have Spotify now!

Good to hear you were feeling a bit better yesterday MsScully. Venting helps me too sometimes. Haha with the five "long" years! I'm glad I was able to and chose to be a stay at home parent but that time can definitely be long and hard!

Really sorry to hear that your ex is dismissive of your feelings. That's tough. I had a difficult relationship with my children's father and found he didn't understand what it was like for me or for the kids at all. I felt very frustrated by the difference in our lives and responsibilities as, like you mentioned feeling too, he had work and sleep to deal with while I seemed to have the rest. I imagine it might be pretty difficult being separated but still living with your ex?

Sorry also to hear you missed out on a place in kinder. I find it so hard to get my head around how few kinder places there are and what that means for people who move areas! We moved (not interstate) just before one of mine was due to start kinder and there were no places available in the new area. I had a newbie and was struggling with my mental health and relationship also. Through a maternal child health nurse we were able to get in to kinder via a side way by using Special Child Care Benefit. I'm not sure if that's still around or what the criteria is now, but (at least back then) many kindergartens had a place reserved for people in need like we were. In saying that, I wasn't so lucky when the kids and I moved again during the kinder year for another of mine and had to use occasional care to fill in a gap for them which was expensive and not anything like kinder, but gave me a break and my little some time with other kids. Special Child Care Benefit might be worth looking in to if that's something you'd like to try.

Sounds like a good idea to start trying to get those supports in place, though I get that can require time and energy that might be running low for you. Hope you're able to find a playgroup or group to join in with so you and the boys can start connecting with your new community some more.

It was nice to log on and 'see' you again. One tip I was given when I joined was to use the @ symbol in front of a members name to tag them. It can help have your reply seen by members if you'd like.

Hope the weekend is OK or better for you and yours. Keep posting if it helps 🙂
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Mumlife

Hi @MsScully ,

Sounds like you are a great mum, coping with all that’s come about with your family situation & the move.

The first couple of years is hard to get through coping with the sleep deprivation that comes with being mum of young ones. As @CheerBear said the preschool years can be long, hard & overwhelming but somehow ironically you look back & miss it & wonder where it went. 

I always found the school holidays challenging with preschoolers & couldn’t wait until the social groups started back up again.

I have moved around a fair bit and have always found it hard to start again socially.

Im wondering if you are close to your local library to see if they have story time or rhyme time which can be a good freebie.

or is there a Mainly music in your area? I take my 3 year old & find the music therapy for me too. Is there a maternal child health centre close to you? I’m wondering if they may be able to help support you with kinder, etc & support you as a family unit.

I hope not to overwhelm you with ideas but I just thought if 1 idea is helpful it could be worth while, these have helped with me over time but with bp disorder I do still have days & weeks where I’m in the pits again.

I have days where I dream of one day having both boys at school & to have a friend to go out for coffee with or get my hair done (one day 💭 🌈)

For now back to reality I must go prepare a dinner meal to have on the table tonight :face_with_rolling_eyes:

Take care xoxo  

 

 

 

Re: Mumlife

hello and sending hugs @Former-Member , @MsScully , @CheerBear HeartHeart

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