Lived Experience Forum

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member 

Just to fill in the "abridged" version and answer your questions - the night of the event until I learned that rape marriage is a crime - wow - many years had passed - about 20 - and time is a great healer - I only had a few sessions with - which was a Society for Abused Women - I think that the nastiness that both my husband and I experienced got a lot of the anger out but hey - I wouldn't want anyone else to go through that - it was horrible and separation and property settlement issues can bring out the worst in both partners and it sure did - 

And I do believe that habitual silence from one member of a partnership/marriage - is a form of abuse and as years passed my irritation and anger toward my husband increased my independence and I had done a lot of the work done toward healing myself of many things - including the rape

I didn't want any more children - my son was such a handful and getting harder to manage and my pregnancy with my daughter had been fraught with difficulties I didn't want to repeat - and I was keeping track of my irregular rhythym and knew I was fertile which was why I denied sex that night - and told my husband the reason - and still - after about 44 years

his denial anything took place feels like a splinter in my shirt between my shoulder blades - as if he remembers nothing - and what he ever thought about is something I never know and of course never will - I haven't seen him for years and haven't spoken to him for longer,

To this day I am sorry about that miscarriage but it is in the past like the others - I have let it go long since - I probably would have miscarried any future pregnancy - my daughter is a miracle - and the rose of my life - not that she wants to hear about it at all - she is very precious and I believe God intended her to be

But yes - it is a tragic thing that so many men thing women to be chattles to this day - they can't seem to live without us and often remarry quickly if that has to be the case - women are hopefully more circumspect - and I really like to hear - more than that - want to hear about and admire women who continue their education

Today I feel very tired - the pain in my shoulder - though not as severe as the spinal pain I have - is intense and of an entirely different nature - so I am taking this easy - the day after tomorrow I see the shoulder specialist.

My GP told me something about a reverse shoulder replacement - and he didn't want to explain because I might be confused - of course I went back to him after reading about this operation on the internet - and not just googling either - I was really studying it - and I was right - my doctor really didn't understand the surgery and this convinced me that I was right to investigate and I have a bunch of questions for the specialist.

It seems better for me to go the way of pain management with the pain specialist - I'm seeing him in about 6 weeks though I might might try and see him sooner after I see the shoulder surgeon - 

I am so glad I have so much formal education when it comes to anatomy - the muscles and bones particularly - going through this without knowing what I know would be a monster-maze event - but I do know what the hard words mean

Take things easy as you work through your story Sherry - you have had a really rough time - you seem to have built up some resilience surviving all this as you have up till now - and yes - that friend you had - what a bad thing that turned out to be - he was certainly a creep - worse than a creep -  and your life changed forever - 

You are a friend indeed - we do have things in common - and inner strength seems to be one of them

I have to leave the computer alone for now - but I will be back - after a rest I might use my phone which is easier on my shoulder - it just takes longer

I'm glad you like that sunset picuter too - it's in very quiet, sombre tones - I like it myself

Sending gentle hugs

Dec

[Molliex]

You're such a beautiful person @Former-Member. I have been thinking of you this weekend 💜

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member, hows your morning ?Hope I didn't hurt you last night on F&A, certainly not intended that way. I find this rose water image calming and just wanted to pass it on 💜💜💜

[Former-Member]

Thank you very much for those responding or supporting over the weekend 🙏🌺

@outlander @greenpea @Molliex @Owlunar @Former-Member @Former-Member @BlueBay @Pollyotter @Former-Member @eth @Maggie @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 @Appleblossom @NatureLover @Snowie @CheerBear 

I know I have some responses I am yet to get around to, so my apologies if I have missed anyone in this batch. I will get to respond to you individually next time I update.

@Former-Member ... thanks for dropping by and saying hi.  The pic is gorgeous too. If I see a picture, I think I could probably pick if it was from you. Soft delicate pinks ... lovely. 🌸🌼💓  Sorry to hear that life continues to be a challenge for you and you are finding it exhausting.  I know what you mean there.  😔

@Former-Member  ... My morning has had a sluggish start, after next to no sleep. Had an early medical appointment for hubby, but just got back.  No ... you did not hurt or offend me in any way, with your suggestion on the F&A thread.  😊  I thought it was constructive advice, and you made me think.  And well ... you are probably right.

Love the red rose dominating the picture in your yesterday picture. And you are so correct ... that stunningly beautiful pink rose with water beneath is very calming.  Did you remember that I find water calming?  Very clever of you.  Thank you .... 

@outlander  ... oh dear ... I really feel for you with your nan's ring.  So much lovely sentiment involved, but tempered in a big way by the traumatic memories it also has for you.  Thats really hard.  I wouldnt throw it out either.  Do you think perhaps you could one day have it reset/changed to something a little different?  It could represent the new you, and still continue to be a happy reminder of your beloved nan.  Just a thought.

@greenpea ... I think its great that you are studying.  Working in environmental crime and assisting wildlife sounds like a wonderful thing to do, and utilise your new skills and quals in 3 years time.  I read elsewhere that your course doesnt officially get underway until 29th June.  I had thought it was 1st June, so we have you around for another 4 weeks before we wont see quite as much of you. 

@Molliex  ... I have been thinking of you too gorgeous.  You have had a number of disappointments/losses these past 2 weeks.  Really hope things start to look up a bit from now on.  

@Owlunar ... your shoulder sounds really bad Dec, and I am sorry you are in such a lot of pain with it.  Its good that you are doing all the research you need in order to know exactly what each treatment entails and what may be best for you personally.  I know you will make the right decision for you.  You are one clever cookie.  Yes men do often remarry quickly after a failed marriage.  My husband was one of those. His divorce had only just been finalised when I met him.  He is definitely someone who needs someone to have on his arm and display to the world.  A mark of success or something I think.  Where as I was always very independent, and was never really concerned that I might never meet the right person to fall in love with and marry.  My so-called boyfriend (the creep rapist) was my first sexual partner.  I was very much a late starter in that department, at 31yo.  I was always a little afraid of men, and never allowed myself to be in a position of commitment or being beholden to anyone. I rarely went out anywhere, but when I did I would meet them there, and not encourage anyone to my home.  And I guess I was right to be cautious of men ... as it turned out.  I mean look at the choices I made of the 2 men in my life that I allowed myself to trust and be intimate with ... one turned out to be a rapist 3 years later, the other turned out to be a narcissist.  Little wonder I dont trust my own choices or judgement.  You could say that my track record in who I trust ... is poor indeed.

Okay I must go.  Things I need to do now.  I will try to catch up with others later. After another night of nightmares, I really need some sleep today.  

Sherry 🌸🌼🌺

[Appleblossom]

@Former-Member 

Hugs

I have more weird and intense dreams ... borderline maybe.

Ha ha @Owlunar about knowing the monster words.

It was one of the first things I began researching when I had easy access to the net,  and theology ... take care and trust your instinct, the doctors are overwhelmed and being an informed patient is def the best approach than being too passive and let them practise ... I had 2 doctors warn me of that with my neck ... and I was so shocked they had to spell it out ... that I took heed ...

CheersALL

[Shaz51]

good night my sister @Former-Member 

sitting with you and hoping you have a better night tonight my darling 

[Snowie]

@Former-Member hoping you caught up on some sleep hon and that today was a little better for you.

[outlander]

@Former-Member 

sending heaps of love and hugs. i wanted to post a pic but it wont let me on this thread (and a few others as well) for some reason

but im thinking of you always ❤❤

[outlander]

@Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

Hello everyone, and my apologies for my sudden disappearance last Saturday morning, and my silence since then.  I was very upset at the time and needed to step away from the forums for self preservation.  Being away from my forum family for any length of time is never a good thing for me, so I'm now trying to find a safe way of returning.

I logged back in here on Wednesday, and have been catching up with all my tags and notifications to the threads I normally contribute to.  I think I've now caught up with all your news, and I have been following along with you all.  You may have noticed that I've been using my 'support' button in an effort to feel connected and to let you know that I've not forgotten any of you.  In fact I think of you all every day. And last night I made my first tentative posts to a safe thread.

Unfortunately, my presence on some threads is causing hurt. With this in mind, and my own very real need to be here, I'll be restricting the threads I post to. I cannot be 'everywhere', but nor do I wish to return to being 'invisible'.  I need a voice, I need to be heard and I also need to feel useful by trying to support the many forum friends I have here.  I really need to be here in some form or another, and a restricted presence is better than none at all.

Although I cannot be on your individual threads right now, I will continue reading along and listening ... because I care very much for each of you and do not want to lose your friendship. @Owlunar @Sans911 @Snowie @Pollyotter @Lee82 @eth @CheerBear @Maggie @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Former-Member 💔

I'm being forced to limit myself mostly to my own thread, with only a few exceptions. I'm hoping I can slowly find my feet again in time.

I know none of this is ideal and nor is it an easy situation ... for you or for me ... but I will try to respond to your news and any tags on your threads, via my own.  I hope you understand my need to do this for now. 

Of course I would love for some of you to visit me here occasionally, but I do not want you to feel obligated to do so. And it is totally okay for you not to do so.  I will continue to support you via the support button on your thread.  And perhaps tag you here occasionally too if I need to talk to you.

I accept that it may get a little lonely here as a result of these measures I am putting in place. But it's a necessary step I need to take in order to feel safe again on the forums, and to allow others to do the same.  I'm hoping that in time, things may begin to return to normal.

Once again ... my deepest apologies for not responding to your many tags over the past week.  I really wanted to explain why I have not done so, and I hope you understand.

I will likely be pretty quiet for a while, but will try to update you all as and when I can.  It's not been an easy week by any means.  My SI has returned with a vengeance ... means, plans .. the works.  Plus I'm having difficulty coping with a number of things happening at home.  Its all becoming very overwhelming.

Special shout out to @Former-Member ... I realise you have your horse therapy today.  I truly hope it goes well and that Izzy and all the alters enjoy the experience.  And yes sweet Kimmy ... I did receive the beautiful butterfly you did for me.  I loved it sweetheart ... thank you so very much.  I have printed it out on my computer and have pinned it to my wall.  @Pollyotter ... thanks for checking in on me a few days ago on your thread.  Really happy to read that you are doing reasonably well again.  My kindest thoughts coming your way.

Hi also to @outlander @greenpea @Molliex (so dreadfully sorry about your latest loss🌹) @Former-Member @BlueBay (thinking of you as you recover from your surgery) @Shaz51 (my thoughts are always with you my dear friend) @Appleblossom @NatureLover @TAB @Adge  @Peri (so nice seeing you around again) and anyone else I may have missed.  Thank you all so much for your past support, its been appreciated more than you will ever know

Sherry 🌺