A big thank you to everyone .. sorry I am not mentioning everyone individually, I dont want to start, and then mistakenly miss someone.
It would be an understatement to say I am struggling right now. I am running on empty, yet still have so much I need to organise, plan and do.
I got little to no sleep between Friday and yesterday as I awaited the expected call from my brother as he maintained his 24/7 bedside vigil over my Mum. And since she finally drew her last laboured breath yesterday morning, I seem to wake up constantly in a flood of tears.
As I assist with the calls to notify family members of the death and funeral arrangements, it occurred to me that there is not one friend of mine that I need, or am able, to tell of the death of my dear mum. Its a sad reflection of where Im at, that the only people I have told (for me) is my psych through email (need to change my next apt) and my online friends here. 😢
Im making plans to do the 7 hour drive next Tues or Wed, and the thought of the long drive is freaking me out too. Funeral will be Friday week. My sister is in the middle of a month long overseas trip. Something else which was causing me additional stress too. She had her phone switched off for 3 days as I tried desperately to let her know that mum was dying. When she finally turned it on and got all my messages, she said 'oh really ... I expected this'. If thats the case then why the bl***y hell did she turn her phone off for 3 flamin' days?!! I was so upset.
Hubby's health has got worse. He blames me, saying my stress affects him. Perhaps hes right. He has stepped up his pain killers to try to relieve the headaches, and his sleepers which usually help calm him. But unfortunately he has also increased his alcohol levels. Not a good mix at all, when all that is on top of high doses of ADs.
I have an apt with my GP this Thursday. He rang last week and said he wanted to see me. Im thinking its to review my MHCP, and to approve my final 4 medicare sessions. Though I have already had 7 and hoped a review may not be needed. I want to cancel, dont want to deal with this right now. But if I dont go, I may not be able to keep seeing my psych. And right now, I really need her.
I dont know, everything just seems too hard right now. And .. I miss my Mum. What a sook I am.
