Hi @Faith-and-Hope @Determined.
Have been tired after two trips up to my parents' place in short succession, so I've been laying low.
The trips went as well as could be expected. Sister couldn't get time off, but Hubby came up with me so I wasn't alone. The first funeral for my old friend was hard. I didn't really know most of the people there except his mum and immediate family. We went to the wake, caught up briefly with his mum and siblings and met a few from their extended family. They're a welcoming lot, but we still felt a little out of place. One of my Aunties had come to the funeral but wasn't staying for the wake, so we arranged to come to visit at her house afterwards. She made the very important observation that at least our friend hadn't be denied a church funeral and been required to be buried in an out of the way corner of the cemetery as would have happened when she was younger. S** deaths need to be treated with extra compassion... so glad that people in general realise that nowadays. And the catch-up with her was good for all of us.
My Uncle's funeral was so different. He was in his 90s, the funeral was a slightly odd mixture of formal liturgical service and very informal commemoration. His son organised it, and he's a pretty laid back sort of guy... so was his Dad, so that was fitting. Bible reading was the story of Lazarus... I couldn't help imagining said Uncle sitting up in his coffin and saying "Strewth, what are you lot doing here?". Wake afterwards was also informal, a good catch up time, but a much smaller family group than I would have expected. Judging by the huge amount of food served up, smaller than they expected too. Mum's extended family have previously turned up en masse for funerals, but I guess a lot of them are getting older and less connected with each other, so the time of huge family funerals may be over? Sister and I are thinking maybe when it comes to our parents' time... cater for a small to medium crowd, and have extra packets of nice stuff on hand that can be easily stored if not needed. No sense wasting a mountain of food, but we'd want people to feel welcome to mingle and chat and remember, and food does facilitate that.
Made the second trip up with Sister and Hubby the following week. We very deliberately made it a trip for catching up with people rather than doing lots of house stuff. Lunch with a close friend... another catch up with our Auntie... a visit to our friend's Mum in her aged care home, and several visits with our parents. (Five RATS for me... one before we left, and four for the aged care visits. Definitely a COVID free week!)
It was particularly good seeing our friend's Mum. She's in a church run aged care home. She's one of those people who has spent her life cheerfully helping people out, which has included being secretary and treasurer for both the church and the aged care home. We were so pleased to see that they've given her one of their nicest rooms. Bigger than standard, with lovely views. It's about her turn to be well cared for, and it's good to see she's appreciated. She was occasionally sad, but mostly she was her usual positive self. If anyone's in a position to healthily grieve the kind of death her son had, it's her. She's a lovey and special lady.
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