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GeminiLion
Senior Contributor

GeminiRoar: Artie Fartie Loneliness

So apparently there are around a dozen artists working on a street art project to rejuvenate the city heart. I learnt about this, this morning via the newspaper. I had always suggested and argued for such an idea for a few years, and now it has finally become a reality. Although they don’t mention “street art" (which what it really is) preferring to call it “murals" (could be just media lack of education too I suppose). No one told me about it happening. And I would have LOVED! to been involved (although it is to be completed by end of June after a numerous weeks of work already so its most likely too late to get involved). So, I got the courage and ask online via Facebook but seemly I have been ignored, that I eventually just deleted my posting (I felt rejected not getting an answer when other got correspondence). I suppose I wouldn’t have the time to commit now anyway, as I’m too busy for an award show before end of June.

I have always found it a case of who you know and defiantly not what you know in my town.

It is not the first time my idea has been stolen. I have been very seriously hurt in the past. Like “really badly hurt” where others have profited off my projects without acknowledgment of me. Including my unique NEIS business project stolen, leaving me in gutter while others awarded themselves. It is a who you know town. That is just one of the worst examples of many occasions where I have been robbed and hurt. Memories are flooding back reminding myself why I must ALWAYS say nothing.

I suppose I just got to keep to myself. Keep my ideas to myself. Fund my own projects. Don't even bother about council approval – just do it knowing you are making the local place better and not worse.

I am keeping my identity on a local fb page as admin secret. I like it that way. Because I feel my name might jeopardies the page.

I try and be involved in groups but get rejected. I don’t know why I was never informed about life drawing this year (did I do something wrong??). I have been told to reapply to volunteer now a new management has taken over at the local public gallery, but I've now since move on (I came back from overseas and told to reapply rather than be roster on as expected then kept getting rejected, yet! they kept asking for volunteers)

In other words, I feel rejected. I have tried techniques in school to make friends and was rejected. Why am I always being outcast?? Back then, it was the library or art room. Today it is my tiny unit.

I don't believe I am ugly. I have no answers why I am constantly rejected. I can think of hundreds of eventful times of being rejected in different situations but yet I have no clue why. Not a clue.

Anyway, I have deleted my posting for information about the street art project. I probably should not have asked in first place. It will teach me for trying to be proactive. I just got to keep to myself. My artworks have better success in life than me.

Talking about artworks. I like to give myself a tough deadline. I scrap off my painting which I have been working on for the upcoming competition, because what I have been developing was weak student quality. The change seems to be more my style of hidden symbols and messages. Part realism elements yet overall post modern abstraction with 3-dimensional meaning on 2-dimensional surface. A blend of techniques which is unique for my region but not necessarily in the world of art of today. No point painting something a computer can do. A painting has to be what paintings are suppose to be in our technological modern era of mass communication. Most importantly I need the $3000 (I haven’t collected this particular win for a few years now, so I am overdue, but it’s a nearby local judge which isn’t helpful)

I was hesitant to scarp back weeks of work (although I wasn’t enthusiastically engaged anyway). But I am now relieve seeing a much more promising proper artwork emerge than something which was compositionally and methodologically amateurish before.

I hate being alone but I have my cat and I care for dad and his cat. I do worry about what my future holds after dad. I want to experience belonging, relationships, that other people take for granted. I have no experience and it feel its way too late for me now. It hurts being a reject.

2 REPLIES 2

Re: GeminiRoar: Artie Fartie Loneliness

Thanks so much for sharing @GeminiLion. Please know that it is never too late. We're sorry to hear that you aren't included in your local street art project, you are right - perhaps "street art" has negative connotations with the general public, so they have to call it murals. It sounds like you have found peace with your current project, it sounds very interesting! What is your favourite painting medium?

 

 

Re: GeminiRoar: Artie Fartie Loneliness

I was going to start anotger post but if I did that they will have to rename the whole topic thread after me.

 

Apparently ABC searching for people on spectrum to make a documentary about dating. So I wrote away explaining my story. Basically, that I have been alone all my life without any experience, and that it is probably too late for me now. 

 

Also email the hospital about my shoulder. I found the letter I got in correspondemce amd it says to contact them if I need to be put back into the system. On the phone she said they will put me back with a sooner appointment than starting from scratch and waiting months.

 

Still.to paint for this competition. I need the money.  I have won a few times. But I don't feel confident with this year's judge. Pushing myself. Really like what I am doing now. 

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