Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[dands26]

@Shaz51, i understnad that all too well. 

My ex doesnt even know half the time what upsets him either. 

Things are now coming up from 25 years ago. 

They have been supressed for a very long time. 

Yes the making decisions for them is hard. 

I am preparing for the fact that he may move interstate with his mum as that is the easy option

[dands26]

@PeppiPatty, im not sure if im well ahead, some days i feel like im 50 steps behind, i have tried to educate myself as much as possible and i do alot of reading from counsellors. The 4 things i tweaked an activity in gary chapmans love languages book. Hoping that it helps him to understand that he isnt alone. Also that he is supported and worthy as he has a huge issue with feeling although he is unworthy and he also believes everybody is going to leave him. 

In response to your comment "his mental health is fragile and he needs me" - i need him too, but not in a mental health sense, he doesnt see how much happiness he brings to my life, so in turn, being able to be there for him and support him like he asks of me is my way of i guess giving him what he gave me. He says that he doesnt know what happiness is and if this is what we need to do to find his happiness then i will do absolutely anything to give him that. I would move mountains for him, but unfortunately due to his mental health he cant see it. I think that is what is challenging. He is so unable to see that not everybody will leave, that he is worthy of love.

I feel like your husband is such a lucky man to have somebody like you in his life, i understand how isolating this journey is, my friends dont understand why i choose to stay and support him although hes left me. 

[Shaz51]

yes @dands26, @PeppiPatty

it is terrrible when people have told me " so why did you marry him ", I love him

It has taken years but he loves being home , feels safe , I find is I am calm he is okish

[dands26]

@Shaz51

Thats fantastic news that he loves being home,

Your patience and strength sounds amazing. I only hope that i can have the same patience and strength as you have. Some days i do feel like giving up.

Yes people say to me "he left you why are you still being his friend" 

And i am the same as you, i love him

[Shaz51]

oh @dands26, Some days i do feel like giving up too

you need to take one day at a time which is hard i know

like today we did one job this morning and we were going to do another this afternoon , but he has been asleep for hours so I have rechange our days

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @dands26 and welcome to the forums ..... 👋

Mr f&h underwent a mid-life crisis and has thrown our life into chaos .... and out of the mess is emerging mi issues and other disorders that are and aren’t a surprise to me ..... are in that I never expected to be in this situation ....aren’t in that the threads have been there in the background, so once you start joining those dots, it does make sense .....

Blind-sided.  I am glad you are both receiving support.  That is important, both from the Lived Experience and the Carers perspective.

[dands26]

Tonight has been a bad one.
Its hard to know what to do sometimes

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hearing you @dands26 .... but we can only do our best, and if that is what you have done, your best, then try to rest on that .....

Tomorrow really is another day, and sometimes things look a bit different on the other side of some sleep.

🌷

[Shaz51]

Hearing you @dands26 my friend , I agree with @Faith-and-Hope and sending you tender hugs

[dands26]

I sure hope so,
Its hard to rest full of worry!
However i cant do my best for mr if i dont get some sleep and look after myself.

I do hope that you are okay!
I hope your situation improves