Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[theo-ran]

My partner of 9 years has suffered from depression most of her life and recently it has gotten too much. She has pushed almost all of her friends away and moved back home. She has now pushed me away as well and ended the relationship

We both still love each other and have had a couple of face to face meetings since the break up and there is no bad feelings from either of us

I'm having a hard time adjusting and primarily I want her to get better. She is seeking help and has been seeing someone professionally about it for the past couple weeks.

In an ideal world I am more than happy to give her as much time and space as she needs to heal and then if and when that happens we can see about getting back together (this is something we both agreed would be ideal)

But she doesn't know how bad it might get or how long it might take for her to recover - or even if she will - which was one of the main reasons she ended the relationship.

Family will always be family and friendships can always be rebuilt, but I fear for the future of our relationship - if there even is one.

How can I let her know I'm still her for her if she needs me without her feeling pressured about being in a relationship again? I'm more than happy to help her out in any way I can but I don't want to come across as pushy about it - going back to being just friends is what we are trying out right now. We are trying to be as open and honest with each other about the situation as possible as well.

[pip]

Hi theo-ran. From what you say, it would appear your partner already knows how you feel and you have already conveyed you are 'there' for her. Perhaps write her a letter, reiterating your feelings. Unfortunately, with depression it's rather hit and miss how long it lasts, or why. You sound extremely anxious about her, understandably, but if she wants to try again, I'm sure she will contact you when the time is right. She obviously is battling severe demons now and needs time to work through them. I'm sure she knows you're there and you love her.

[theo-ran]

Thanks for the advice - had already sent her a letter just outlining how I feel about everything and discussed it also (not sure if she had received the letter at the time though).

It's the hit or miss and unknown about everything that is making me the most anxious.  I want to be there for her, but I also want to give her as much time and space as she needs to focus on getting better.

[querentxyz]

Hi @theo-ran, It sounds like she is doing what she needs to in order to deal with her problems and it seems like she needs to focus on that at the moment, rather than being reminded of your relationship together. I think this would be a good opportunity to sort of put her problems aside for a while and focus on yourself, to remember and rediscover who you are as an individual outside of the relationship, and to spend time doing all the things that make you who you are.

[NikNik]

Hi @theo-ran

Just wanted to check in to see how you're travelling.

Hope things are going okay for you.

Nik