Lived Experience Forum

[Snowie]

I worry that this downward spiral will just keep getting worse. I have torn the family apart and made everything worse for all. It was meant to help and all I have done is hurt everyone around me. I don't want to continue like this. It is all my fault and I cannot forgive myself. Life is just too hard.

[Adge]

Anyone who knows or who wants to be helpful (Open Query) -

Question - "Is there any way of getting a Site Listing - Of Who is Online/ On Forums" ?(at any one time/ present)?

So that I can Post Support - Or know who might want to interact in "Real-Time"

Thanks.

Tag me on Any Thread - If you can answer this Question (help out).

Adge

[jazz]

Hi @Snowie I know you said no response needed, but just wanting to check in with you and remind you that you matter and the forum is here for you for support. However if things escalate for you, pleas emake sure to contact Lifeline and or any other supports you have. Please take care of yourself and know that support is out there

[outlander]

I dont know why but i cant seem to do anything right. Even when it seems right it doesnt seem it.
I feel sick, i feel like my heart dropped. My soul feels empty and heavy but also full of so many things but not really good things.

[Former-Member]

I donno. Seems I blow it with everyone. So much unforgiveness & lack of tolerance, poison arrows every time that's killing me. Invisible arrows, payback I guess, for being me. Bully magnet. Easy target... whatever... So hard to keep picking myself up for this 😢 

[Lee82]

I just cannot do what needs to be done to help myself. I am not strong enough, brave enough and motivated enough to do it. I feel like my life is over and I just need to accept that.

I have a battle of ‘need’ verses ‘want’ going on in my head all of the time.

Like.....I need to ask for help but I want to stay silent

I need to socialise but i want to stay home and be alone

I need to acknowledge what’s going on for me but I want to forget

I need to live but I don’t want to be here

I need to keep going but I want to stop

I need to stay motivated but I want to quit

I need to stay and fight but I want to run very far away

At some point in the past I felt like perhaps I may be able to move on from all this. I had hope but now all that hope has faded and I feel like moving on is never going to happen.

I feel like a failure in all aspects of my life. From my schooling, to my career, to my marriage, to being a mum, a daughter and a sister. Just failed at being a human being.

I don’t know how to accept what happened to me. I don’t know how I will ever be able to get past it if I can’t even sit through a Pap smear. That Pap smear has affected me so much more than I thought it would. I will never live a normal life. I will have to deal with all this for the rest of my life. A life of pain and torture. What is the point. I just want peace. 

All this anxiety, PTSD, flash backs, nightmares panic attacks, sleepless nights, visions, mood swings, sensitivity, disassociation and I could go on is wearing me down and I truly cannot take it anymore. I just can’t take it. I have run out of steam, out of energy and out of hope.

[theposterboy]

Hi @Lee82  I am going to send you an email to check in

[Snowie]

If I tell the truth then my whole world will come crashing down.

If I do what I want then I will hurt too many people.

Why is it so hard.

[greenpea]

Please no one read this..... I am just writing it for myself really just to mull it over in my little head ......but I have decided how I want to go. I just want to see it in black and white to make it real to me. Life is fine atm really. Sun is shining. Kidults are doing well even son1 seems a bit perkier than he has been lately so all is good. A touch dramatic maybe but that is ok as the pea is a coward and cannot do it by herself ..... I am not that considerate ..... not that nice or kind a person ..... see pea is selfish and self centred. I am not a nice person otherwise I wouldnt be considering doing this and putting other people, people who I love and who love me through pain of losing me. That is the true pea. Selfish.

[Faith-and-Hope]

New legal orders for my D2 got emailed to me today.  I know they are temporary, but had to read (for their content) anyway, and scary .....  just feeling really sad right now, and trying to sit with it.